Photo via John Glaser, TexasHSFootball.com
Kyle Spishock @kyleelconqueror
November 22, 2016

Atavus-Football_bl_highres1. Houston – Last Week: 1 (9-2)
The Cougars are now the only good college team in Texas. The season can be reviewed as bittersweet: they won the game they weren’t supposed to against Louisville, but dropped easy ones to Navy and SMU amidst whispered rumors of coach Tom Herman’s exit. Once again, Houston is ranked the highest in the Lone Star state at No. 18 in the AP Top-25; a moral victory considering they were predicted at No. 8 in preseason polls and peaked at No. 6 Despite the defense having a slight edge over last years unit — 20.3 in comparison to 20.7 — the 2015 team’s offense was much more efficient in points per game (40.4 to 37.5).

The newest mixtape Earth didn’t know it needed.

 
2. Texas A&M – Last Week: 2 (8-3)
I feel like Kevin Sumlin is the Mike McCarthy of the FBS. Despite recent Aggie struggles, he will likely return next season to College Station. The fifth year coach streaked to 6-0 — the best A&M start in 20 years — but was swiftly humbled by the oppressive Crimson Tide; the Aggies are 2-3 since. Losing Trevor Knight, and struggling with an unhealthy defense hasn’t been easy. The year has been a vast improvement over the previous two campaigns. Unlike coach Charlie Strong outstaying his Austin welcome, Texas fans will be lenient in giving Sumlin another chance. Consider the positives: Sumlin has the most bowl victories in Aggies history, is the first A&M coach to win a Cotton Bowl since 1987, and boasts six top-10 AP high rankings — only coach R.C. Slocum has more.

R.C. Slocum story as told by Michael Gondry

 
3. UT – Last Week: 4 (5-6)
Westlake’s Sam Ehlinger has been a recruiting machine for the Longhorns.

Burnt orange brainwashing.

 
The four-star prospect should be focusing on rehabbing his broken throwing hand, which reportedly resembled a mangled contortion of appendages after Friday’s Judson game, like he was gripping an active grenade instead of a football.

Ehlinger backup plan is becoming a cartoonist.

 
D’Onta Foreman had his usual solid output, passing Earl Campbell as most 100+ yards for a school record 12 consecutive games.
 
4. TCU – Last Week: 3 (5-5)
Ranking these teams is the equivalent of listing serial killers for evilness; either way, everyone on here – sans Houston – is bad. The Horned Frogs are no exception, dropping four of their last six. Texas colleges have played so lackluster of late, the losses have created speculations that all FBS coaches will get sacked or submit their resumes elsewhere. Everyone is crouched beneath the guillotine of unemployment; donors and sports directors will have their thumbs in neutral positions, swaying either up or down pending audience reaction, sparing or killing coaching careers.

Call it an impulse buy.

 
5. Baylor – Last Week: 6 (6-4)
The Bears loss of recruits was definitely exposed in the latter half of the season. Similar to a tea kettle, you knew the program had a matter of time before boiled over, whistling a steam of unethical practice and scalding the artificial turf of Baylor stadium. Every week seems to be a series of unfortunate events for the Waco program. Just when we thought it couldn’t get worse, associate athletics director Heath Nielsen pulled a Darth Vader a choked a reporter after the TCU game. With another incident pulling an additional Jenga block from Baylor’s sanity, it’s no surprise that the team has toppled, dropping four consecutive games by an average 20.8 point differential.

Pretty sure this is how we all view Baylor at this point.

 
6. UNT – Last Week: 9 (5-6)
7. Tech – Last Week: 5 (4-7)
8. UTSA – Last Week: 8 (5-6)
9. SMU – Last Week: 7 (5-6)
10. Rice – Last Week: 12 (3-8)
11. UTEP – Last Week: 10 (3-8)
12. Texas State – Last Week: 11 (2-8)

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