Breaking News: Santa Claus Coming to the NFL?

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Santa Claus is drawing interest from the NFL.  Santa Claus, who told us to just call him Nick, has expressed interest in the NFL because his part-time gig just ended today and in these challenging pandemic times, the income from an NFL contract would go a long way to supplying his workshop with all the inventory it would need for 2021.

Standing at 2 1/2 elves, and weighing nearly 1,000 candy canes, Nick would make for an imposing offensive lineman. ESPN’s Matt Hasselbeck reported that Santa was really impressive pushing the sled in workouts, and Adam Schefter reported that the Green Bay Packers have expressed the most interest because of the ability for Claus to perform well in cold weather.  The Packers feel that they could petition the NFL to make Santa available to play right away, though a long-term contract is unlikely because of Santa’s unavailability during the month of December.

We reached Nick for comment on his NFL future, though he just replied, “ho ho ho.”

The Packers, Steelers, Browns, and other teams expressed interest, but it does not look like Santa will be signing with an NFL team.  While NFL GM’s and coaches loved Nicks’s size and his jolly attitude, they felt that his insistence on diving his teammates into Naughty and Nice lists would prove to be too divisive in the locker room.

While this may be bad news for those that wanted to see Nick take his talents to the NFL gridiron, it should be refreshing for kids all over the globe to know that Santa will remain focused on his job in the North Pole.

 

 

KP Kelly


Featured image credit: Buddy th Elf

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