From the carnage of torn fabric, busted foam helmets and tattered remnants of otherworldly critters arose two contenders – beacons of school spirit in the Lone Star State. Thousands of fans took time out of their busy schedules to procrastinate and vote who they deemed the best mascot in Texas high school football.
March Madness is down to the last remaining teams with lame mascots, but who cares about college basketball…this is a high school football site.
The boss stage is set; two challengers pace back and forth in opposite ring corners, anxious to duke it out for the title.
Hutto Hippos
On one side are the Hutto Hippos, who have been gobbling the majority of the popular vote so far. But if the recent election is any indication, the most votes doesn’t necessarily ensure a victory. As reported the last couple weeks, the town of Hutto lives and dies by the blubbery water dweller, erecting hundreds of statues around the area. Baby hippos are cute, bug-eyed little things that giddy girls love to post videos about on my Facebook page.
However, their parents are a far more sinister breed – killing more people in the movie “Congo” than the genetically enhanced apes did. The hippo can run twenty miles per hour if agitated and are very frisky when it comes to breeding. Pablo Escobar once owned four Hippos that were too large to move after his death. According to the documentary “Cocaine Hippos” – which sounds like the latest Rick Ross offering – the Hippos breed to 20+, infested the area and caused havoc on all human beings and cattle. “Living in a hippo paradise” was also the potential name of Coolio’s hit song, before he changed it to reflect the streets.
Winters Blizzards
The Winters Blizzards usually chill their way to the top of most mascot best-of lists, primarily for their whacky manifestation of nasty weather and their pun-ny moniker. I’ve never personally seen the thing walk, but if it comes in on wires twirling, Winters gets my vote. “Presentation is 99.9% show business”, Lady Gaga once famously said, to no one ever. The interpretation of the season is stretched, considering no one in Texas has ever seen snow.
Both teams have the privilege being the only one of their kind in the United States. No one else had the creativity or courage to name their school after a chilly storm or a tubby murdering animal respectively. Both describe bravery in the line of fire; Hippos were the only animals brave enough to stand up to Hippos and inspired Zulu warriors. Blizzards just freeze everything like the celebrated Batman antagonist and is a delicious dessert at Dairy Queen.
Neither team has won a state title, although Hutto was close, competiting in a championship in 2005. The title of Mascot Melee champion would undoubtedly be a prestigious honor for both programs.
May the very best mascot win! Fight!
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Been a Hippos fan since 2002! They are GREAT!!!